This Is 45

This is what another year older looks like.

This is what wiser looks like.

This is also what smarter looks like. Hardened. But smarter.

Because this year I learned it doesn’t matter how deeply you love, and how much you give.

This year I learned it doesn’t matter how shattering your heartbreak is, and how biting your pain.

This year I learned it doesn’t matter how fiercely you fight back and how triumphantly you rise.

This year I learned that it doesn’t matter how resilient and beautiful are a mind, body, and soul.

This year I learned that none of that entitles you to anything.

And this year I have finally learned enough to step into a new one today with no expectations — and to know what that really means. Loss has racked up enough notches on its belt; from this day forward I’ll choose to be surprised instead. I have one purpose each day: Live life to its very edges. The rest will be what it will be.

This is where I am, now.

This is forty-five.